this little walk of faith....

I’m not great at blogging… However when something momentous happens in my life I feel the need to record this on more than just the paper of my journal.

November 2010 I began looking for a new job. ~My hearts cry was truly to go where the Lord would lead and to live a life of faith. ~
I submitted applications from Dallas to Houston and everywhere in between. It wasn’t until February that I was made aware of the “limitations” I was placing on the Lord’s plan. It only took a few minutes of arguing (God graciously listening to my complaining) for me to realize that I could not do this “half-way”. The following day I submitted applications for jobs in Lubbock, Abilene, Midland… (the western side of this so very large state).

After this act of obedience I was ready for God to move me where he saw fit… and then I waited.

“My plan” allowed for ~3 months of living with friends before beginning the next step of my life. Well I believe the problem with that began with the “My plan” part.

Looking back at all the “inconveniences” that happened I am truly blessed that my father knows best and he really does direct my path. Every detail of what I had “planned” did not work out. However these are some things that did “work out” despite my attempting to plan:

*Ten amazing months of fellowship with people that stretch and encourage me.
*The ability to wake up every morning and literally be able to say “Lord, have your way with me!”.
*A more intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father and learning how to “be still”.
* Understanding the importance of having relationships with people God puts in my life.
*Wonderful Sis and Family that took care of my pup during this time- I know God took care of Moose when I couldn’t. However he made it very clear that OUR relationship is more important and MUST come first. No exceptions~
*Good doctors and flexible work as I went through gallbladder surgery.
*Amazing “House Parents” who have listened to me whine, cry, pout, complain, and be miserable with confusion. And not only listen, but listen as my Lord listens with wisdom and direction.

I wish I could say that I now know how to wait on the Lord and will never be impatient or worry again... However, I am as human as they come- and while God has shown me again and again that he always comes through I still awaken and have to tell my soul to "get with the program".

I am so grateful that my Lord is gracious and does not hold my faults against me, but is proud of the maturity I've gained.

With many bumps, bruises, tears and even scars I move forward. Because he knew it all along.
I'm leaving San Angelo on 10/19/11 and beginning work in Midland the following day. I have so much more to share about my experiences over the past months but I guess that will come with time.

Onward!

New Life...

The celebration of completing my Masters was short lived. A got to spend a long weekend on the with some amazing friends and many days soaking up the sun by the pool.
The rest of the summer was jam-packed with studying for State Boards.

The moment of euphoria was well the effort as I was told that I passed the National Counselors Examination. I spent the rest of August basking in the glow of being done studying for the rest of my life (If I choose…)

My relaxing was interrupted as my plan of leaving my current job took an unexpected toll. I was offered a promotion to assistant supervisor.

This left me with so many decisions to make a very short amount of time… My housing situation would come to an end at the beginning of the new year… So I knew whatever path I chose I would be homeless come January--- and not only me, my boy Moose as well.
I accepted the promotion letting it be common knowledge that I did not plan on staying much past the first of the year.

I wanted to leave the door open for God to move me wherever he planned. And tried not to tie myself down to a lease or obligation. I had (and still have) no doubt that God has a specific plan and has the place chosen for me to be. I must be still and wait for instruction.

I had arranged to stay with Friend’s the first few months of 2011, but a turn of events resulted in my housing plans falling through. In frustration and desperation I messaged some friends that have always been a support to me since living in San Angelo. I lived with them for a summer during college and really did not intend on burdening them again. After the “turn of events” happened (right before the new year ) I did not have much of a choice but to call upon these always faithful friends. I am also blessed to have an amazing sister who has been taking care of Moose for me while I am in this time of transition….

Since moving into their home I have been undoubtedly blessed to be surrounded by such amazing godly people. God is moving more than I have ever seen even in this challenging “season”.

More to come

It's finally happening--- Graduation

Well first off, my sister is simply fabulous! She is so talented and was willing to help her sister with graduation announcements even though it is her busiest time of year...

On April 20th after much prayer and preparation I passed my comprehensive graduate exam. I thought for a minute that I will slip into psychosis due to the extreme anxiety.
But, my God is so good! After spending some time in prayer and worship
he helped me breathe and perform on the test to my full ability.
I never felt such relief as when I left that testing center knowing "I'm going to graduate..."
I think the song "walking on sunshine" might describe how I felt at that moment-
I cannot imagine my years of college without the constant love and support from my friends and family. You have been my lifeline through the struggles and cheer squad during the times of triumph~ I can't even begin to express my feelings as this time has finally come.
I am so excited to see what God has for me in this next step!

Graduate School and Such...

It seems like I have been waiting for this day for a long time...
Completed college with my Bachelors degree and went straight back for my Masters-
Now my time as a "Student" is rapidly ending...

I have been praying to make it to this day for "awhile" now and the fact that its right around the corner is just too hard to comprehend. Lord willing in the middle of May I will be forced into adulthood with no more excuses for flaws in behavior. I know that technically I've been an adult for almost 7 years now; however, the student role that I've identified with for these years carries with it a sense of youth. As a "student" you are learning, growing, exploring, making mistakes, making discoveries, in need of assistance and maybe even not fully responsible...
In Kindergarten you may get in trouble for dumping glitter on the floor, but others don't look at you like you should know better. They tell you what you did wrong and how to correct it; as a college student its much the same way. I am entering a point in my life where no one is going to look on me caringly and say "let me show you" -I am now expected to know better-
Let me say that do not purposefully go around "dumping glitter on the floor" just because I can; but it is a security to fall back on. I feel that by leaving my student identity certain things will now be expected of me... for one example: At family gatherings relatives will ask "Are you married?", I confidently respond that I am a college student and all is understood. The student identity is not expected to be married and have kids, (you can have them, its just not required)

I guess I am just going to miss thinking of myself as a "student"
I am not however going to miss school, at least not for awhile ;)

Holidays and Hawaii

The Holidays came and went in a wondrous blur filled with laughter, pesky brothers,

smelly pups, song writing, and puzzles!

I did not focus so much on tradition or schedules this year and felt at peace more than ever before. I got to spend an early morning just me and mom and some evenings chatting with sisters.

Not to mention the ever full cup of coffee that was continuously in my hand.

There is just something about someone else fixing your coffee
it is SO good-- Maybe its that secret ingredient of love they add ;)

So back at work and getting in the swing of things--- But only for a few days because early Thursday morning me and three friends will be flying out to Hawaii for a much belated graduation celebration trip! I left Moose & Maggie with Grandmommy (my mom) after New Years and will go to pick them after we land back in Texas. Being away from Moose has been harder than I thought; although knowing they taken care of makes the late nights at work more tolerable.

For those who would like to know my flight schedule:

We fly out of Austin at 8:10am on Thursday, January 7th.
We land in Honolulu at 2:15pm (Hawaii time) after a one hour layover in Los Angeles

*Hawaii time is 4 hours behind Texas time*
Therefore if you call me at noon it will only be 8am for me

Looking at the AT&T map I should have cell coverage most of the time I'm over there.
I'd love to talk to you so feel free to call or text me but please no 8am calls
(it'll just be 4am for me) hee-hee

On the 7th we will stay the night at the Island Colony Hotel in Honolulu. We plan to see Waikiki beach and Pearl harbor before hopping over to the island of Kauai where we will stay for the remainder of our trip...
After a week on the beach we will fly out from Honolulu at 6:05pm on Friday the 15th and land back in Austin at 10:13am, Saturday the 16^th...
I look forward to telling you all about it!
Aloha!

E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-O-N

People frequently make the statement "it feels like it should be Friday"...

I'm sure I've said it but I couldn't have meant it as much as I do today. It's only Tuesday and I've spent 3 hours this week playing moderator to screaming families. On Monday evening I went to a families' home for a meeting. Before I even entered the house the mother and daughter were screaming at each other and the mom was telling her 13 year old daughter to get out of her house. The situation was not cured by the time I left, however everyone was calm and I didn't think they'd attack each other (for the moment)...

This morning at work I spent hours typing up the report from last night so I could give CPS a detailed narrative; then as everyone who has had to report someone to CPS knows, the process took hours.

Needless to say I was not on my a-game at work today.
I met with 2 semi-functioning families and then headed off to visit the last family of the day.

Once I sat down on the couch it was "everyone talk at once" time. The father and mother YELLING about how their teenage daughter didn't bring them her report card. After about an hour of refereeing the yelling, the family (I'm assuming got tired) and started speaking in only semi-raised voices. When I tried to talk to the father about he and his daughter respecting each other he looked at me like I had gone mad, "I don't have to talk nicely to her, she needs to do what she is told!".
My only reply to this was "Well if you want to keep doing what you've been doing and you're happy with how things are then I don't need to be here. This is the only way I know to make things better; if you really want things different, this is what I got."
I think he was rather stunned at my response... but maybe (hopefully) he really thought about what he had said before.

I don't know that I can handle these parents, I agree that they have difficult children; but when you stop and listen to what they are saying it doesn't take much to fulfill what they are asking.

"I just want my mom to stop calling me names"

"I just want Dad to not put me down all the time"

"I lay in bed at night thinking of all the things he's said to me throughout the day, you're so stupid, why can't you just behave, you sure do forget a lot, you always make stupid mistakes, you'll never learn, will you.

"I wish Mom would just ask me how my day was instead of screaming at me to make my bed."

"He just doesn't know what its like... and if I tell him that he yells and says he does."

"You heard her, she doesn't care, she wants me outta her house."

"Teacher says I'm the worst kid he's ever seen. I tell him, how can I do good at school when my home is like this? Then he says that I'm the one who causes the problems in my house, and if I'd just be good everything would be fine."

"I wish Dad would sit down and talk with me and not just yell about the bad stuff."

"Why even try to do anything right, they don't notice unless its something bad."

"You heard him, he's tried every way to get rid of me. Now he's just stuck with me."

While in college I always said that I wanted to help those that really needed help, not just the rich kids. Well I know that I am truly helping the people that need help--- but oh my goodness I did not know what I was asking for. I don't really know what I need, but I need something. Some kind of divine intervention.

Its beginning to feel a lot like....ummm

At this time of year nothing gives me more pleasure than decorating the house, popping in a ol' Christmas favorite and turning those holiday hits up~

However this weekend was out of the ordinary- I was having a low weekend and thought "I know what will cheer me up"... So I busted out the decorations, and turned on Home Alone--- Several hours of sorting out lights and looking at ornaments and my mood was still gray. I finished up some minimalistic decorating and turned on the movie ELF (This movie always makes me laugh). But this gray was holding on like a bargain shopping to a last clearance item. So I settled down to be content in the mood that wouldn't budge.

Its not the waste of a Saturday that really bothers me but how what use to make me happy doesn't anymore. It is just another confirmation of how I've changed and need to move on with my life. Its scary, exciting, and sad. I just pray that I can be content for the time I am in this place and trust that God has the next chapter ready for me!