Thunder

I am beginning the “sorting process” that comes before a move…
“Do I really need this? Haven’t ever used that, etc…“
I don’t seem to have trouble going through my closet or getting rid of old purse or shoes… ...

...However it is those little pieces of paper that I hold onto for dear life. Those remnants of the past, those pieces of past relationships. From a guy’s phone number to a dear letter from an old friend. I have found tons and tons of this stuff. While going down memory lane can be enjoyable, some of the old things I find hurt my heart.

1. Old emails from friends who no longer speak to me.
2. Notes from dear loved ones who are as constant as the mountains & show me the character of God.
3. Letters and emails from friends whom I haven’t kept in contact with.
4. Letters I’ve written and never sent.
5. Pictures of random things that make me smile.

There was something I noticed in this array of mementos...
It seemed that I was always “busy” or things were “chaotic” and while this is true of the years 2002-present. How sad is that that the “youth” of my life I’ve felt burned and overwhelmed.

So this is not a “new years resolution” but a new “life phase resolution”. I cannot change what has happened to me, who has hurt me or the number of hours I work in a week…

But this “Identity” of this busy person is not someone I am called to be! I am called by my father to be a support and strength to those around me, in his name.
Somewhere over the years I’ve lost sight of that design. It slipped in through with “taco-soup nights in the apartment” or numerous late night talks during my college life, but I want to change it from “slipping in” to a purposeful life stance.

Lord you know what I can handle and
oh, how I love you for that.
Please place me in your plan and in your peace!

As I write this the sound of thunder rattles my windows. The sound can make me shutter, but most of the time I feel comfort as I feel God’s power and I feel safe knowing that’s my Papa.